Humpty’s Fall From Grace

The first step is always the worst.

He was sitting on the wall, and oh my, did he take a great fall,but then he realized he lived in Virtual Mammoth Gardens and he reached for the PageUpbutton and like an eagle soaring over a valley above the pine trees andwaterfalls, he took flight. He glanced back at the wall built by GraceScissormuffin, one of the more notorious 3D designers in the game, and noticedher not too subtle advertisement: Walls Create Falls. Hire Grace.

“See ya Grace,” Humpty mumbled and he soared fromsimulator to simulator appreciating the beauty created by visionary residentsand being disgusted by the haphazard mess left by less creative inhabitants. Hewatched the gray blocks magically turn into trees, castles, space stations, andshopping malls.

Attracted by a skybox of epic size, Humpty stopped and gentlytouched down like a ballerina to see what visual novelty this parcel held instore for him.

“Welcome to the Really Big Castle in the Sky,” read asign written in mottled yellow script on a red background and just below theflowery italics in a more utilitarian font it said, “Home of All theKing’s Men.”

“I’ll go meet them,” Humpty said to himself and hemarched through the oppressive wooden gate with a single mouse click.

The king’s men sat around an unrealistically big round table. Theyall smoked cigarettes, drank purple martinis, and exhibited awkward lookinganimations.

“Humpty?!” One of the men seemed astonished to see thelarge flying egg appear in the doorway.

“What are you doing here?”

“You’re supposed to fall!”

“Wait a minute, eggs can’t fly.”

“Is anybody from Connecticut?”

“Is anybody here female?”

The commotion continued its crescendo until all of the king’shorses arrived to report the news. Humpty Dumpty didn’t actually fall, andneither the horses nor the men would be necessary to fail in the attempt to puthim back together again. The grumbling and shouts echoed through the chamber asthe reason for existing as a king’s horse or a king’s man ended without acommittee meeting or a proclamation from anybody up the food chain.

“You mean to say he’s never going to fall and we’re nevergoing to need to put him back together?”

“Never.”

“Never ever?”

“Never ever ever.”

A sad silence eased into the room until at long last somebodywhispered, “I’m going to Gorean role play.”

“Isn’t anybody excited for me?” Humpty asked. “Ifell, but I’m alive, in one piece, and I can fly like the birds. I’ve seen moreof this country in one minute than I’d seen in an entire lifetime of sitting onthat wall. Can’t you be happy for me?”

“It’s not about you Egg Man,” a horse said as it wentthrough the appearance change and magically erupted into a languid lookinghuman female saddled with every imaginable form of artillery. “It’s aboutthe story and staying in character and following the rules of role play. Youdon’t crack; we don’t have anything to do. It’s over.”

“So you want me to fall?”

“You can’t unscramble the plot now,” said another avatarin the process of becoming an Asian anime character. “Sayonara.”